Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
