He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
