just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
