every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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