Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
