Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
