i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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