I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
