For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize