There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My hand turned me down
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize