I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
