I feel like I'm in dance class right now
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
