i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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