he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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