In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
