u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
