That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
