Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
