When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
4 words: hood of his car
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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