I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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