her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
