I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
