Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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