I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
