he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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