we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Randomize