Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
