So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
