My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He? As in you personified your dick?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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