Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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