i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
