I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Will exercising make me less horny?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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