The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
