is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Life is so much better after having sex.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize