Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
