I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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