Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
