I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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