Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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