We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
