Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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