Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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