Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
