does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
