brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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