you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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