i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
