i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
