Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
