My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
