I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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