I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
