I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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