i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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