i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
