a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
