i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
