I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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