i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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