And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
