Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
