don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
