can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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