I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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