why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
