so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
