bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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