You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
