i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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