I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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