The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
