Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
