I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He? As in you personified your dick?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize