this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
